How To Best Deal With Toxic Competition In Life
Image Source: Pixabay
You have to win at all costs.
You always have to come first.
You are going to take their man
or woman, by any means necessary, because you are the best one for him or her.
Coming in the last place is for
worthless losers.
Now, we will admit that the last
sentence is a bit harsh, but these are the thoughts and words that drive
winning and competition against all odds. In society, sometimes, the pressure
to win at all costs seems popular and encouraged but may cause huge problems
for all involved parties. This inspirational article is a long read and is
intended to bolster self-awareness, self-growth, self-love, to greater
magnitudes, and discuss aspects to better comprehend and deal with some aspects
of toxic competition.
Competition can be a part of
life. It is that noun that can make life interesting. Competition may occur
among couples, siblings, employees, teams, coaches, counties, states,
countries, and even continents. However, the drive to succeed is a path that
can be laden with thorns and sharp pebbles.
Competition means to win
for some folks and to take out or defeat their opponent. Sometimes, it goes
beyond the objective of friendly competitive encouragement and motivation
intended for others to challenge themselves into pure malicious rivalry,
sabotage, a grudge or vendetta, a deep and unsettled feeling of insecurity, and
lack of happiness and fulfillment.
Over the years, envy and jealousy
are arguably the highest forms of competition, dating back to the beginning of
the world. The biblical story of Cain and Abel is the beginning of rivalry in
the world. It showed the extent to which human beings can go to gain
superiority over their supposed competition – even through murder.
Fast forward to the 1990s,
in 1993, British Airways paid a sum of £3 million to Virgin
Air after
the company admitted it used “dirty means” to defame the airline. British
Airways was so hell-bent on bringing down Virgin Air that it would call its
customers to say a scheduled flight was canceled. This competition, despite it
being business-related, was fueled by a team that may have lacked emotional
maturity and was hit by the inferiority complex of a new and potentially new
threat in the airline industry.
Toxic And Negative Competition
Somewhere right now, there
may be someone who is maliciously watching your every move from near or far or
plotting to harm you because they may view you as competition and someone who
must be dealt with. They may be in fierce and unannounced competition with
you and see you as an actual or perceived threat. They may (falsely) believe
that you are in a power struggle with them or wish to show them up. It does not
matter to them whether you mean them no harm or is not in competition with
them. They are focused on you for maleficent reasons and do not mean you well.
There is
a popular African adage that says, if you look too closely at your neighbor,
you miss the good things in your life. Competition is everywhere, but can you
spot it? In a business or personal setting, rivalry can challenge good
character. It can make people want to succeed by playing dirty and may be their
driving force to getting to their finish line. However, at what point does
one realize that friendly comradery, motivation, or encouragement is no longer
in play?
What Defines Negative Or Toxic Competition?
Competition becomes toxic
and negative when one no longer considers another’s survival, physical safety,
emotional well-being, happiness, peace, and when someone really believes that
winning or getting what they want is all that matters. Their thoughts may be
followed by negative and harmful actions towards their intended target to beat
down, neutralize, or annihilate them so that they win or get what or who they
want.
This attitude in adults of
beating someone down to the dust can take its root in childhood. Many adults who felt inferior as children or did not get
the attention they craved growing up with an unfulfilled void may have adopted
the attitude that winning at all costs will fill them up.
On the other hand, adults
who were always the center of attention as a child or got everything they
wanted may feel worthless or deprived if they do not always win or come first.
They can see everyone as a rival and everything as a competition. Narcissistic,
sociopathic, and psychopathic individuals may also compete against others and
not care who gets harmed so long as they win or always get what they want.
Coming To
Terms With Deep-Seated Rivalry
Toxic competition and
deep-seated rivalry can create distrust and impact your circle of friends
negatively (if you still have them and if you do, they may be like you). However, the reasons for this rivalry can
be emotional trauma or abuse from the past. Superiority complex can come from years of feeling or being denied and not
appreciated and hide one’s vulnerability, a wall of superiority is vainly,
arrogantly, and pompously put up. Folks who behave as if they are superior to
everyone else can actually be hiding an inferiority complex. They may
overcompensate for their lack of self-esteem by going to extremes and having
something to prove to the world. In their world, they always have to have the
most attention, the most money, the best car, the biggest house, the best clothes, the best body,
etc. Rarely may they confront the root of their insecurities and solve their
dilemmas from within. Instead, they may seek to gain external things to make up
for what they see as their deficiencies. Their insecurities also involve their
fears.
Toxic
Workplace Competition
I have to find ways to antagonize, ostracize, and distract Richard every day because he’s showing me up and is Employee Of The Month again.
I must repeatedly sabotage
and falsely report co-workers who are a threat to the job promotion that I so
badly want.
I can’t stand that phony
b*tch, Sally who is always smiling and laughing with the boss, and a*s kissing
for attention and favors.
Sasha is not in our clique
and always declines to hang out with us at Happy Hour after work because she
chooses to work overtime instead. We don’t like her because she’s trying to
stand out to the boss. We have to find ways to get her reprimanded or fired
from the job.
Whether you admittingly
ever thought of any of the above or not, witnessed it, or are or were on the
receiving end of toxic workplace competition and rivalry, it happens, can
happen, and is not good either way. Toxic workplace competition can cause
devastating effects for employees and companies. It can involve hostile and
disruptive work environments, bad workplace morale, high turnover rates,
employees calling out sick, office mobs, and even civil lawsuits. Furthermore,
these issues can seep into people’s personal and home lives and romantic
relationships.
Companies
usually have written rules and policies against illegal employee workplace
behavior, employee assistance programs, and/or steps that employees can take to
access Human Resources or the chain of command for workplace and personal
issues. But, what about the gray areas that do not deal with the covert or
underhanded tactics relating to negative and toxic workplace competition and
rivalry?
As an employee, it can be challenging to be faced with the stress of having the pressure and responsibility of keeping the paychecks coming in to pay bills and take care of one’s family and responsibilities while not wanting to appear as a complainer, bring attention to oneself, and risk the possibility of losing a job due to toxic and competitive co-workers. Some co-workers may be hyper-competitive and vicious.
There are a lot of reasons
that some co-workers may be competitive. Maybe, they are taking care of a sick
or elderly loved one with no help, need more money to pay the bills, and feel
like a co-worker is coming between them and the promotion and raise they need
to make ends meet. Perhaps, they are simply narcissistic, have a superiority
complex, and take pleasure in seeing others fail. Regardless of the reasons, it
is never right to operate with reckless, selfish, and hurtful disregard for the
well-being of others. Some people may actually have worse circumstances than a
toxic and competitive co-worker, yet find positive and non-harmful ways to deal
with them.
Realistically, changing a
co-worker’s behavior in the workplace may be difficult or impossible especially
if they have higher and more powerful and influential workplace connections.
So, you may need to seek creative ways to defend and protect yourself from
toxic co-workers who are competitively “out for blood”.
At some
jobs, it is possible to build and grow relationships with others while some
workplace cultures operate with a competitive mob mentality. Basically, if you
are not a part of or convert to the office mob mentality, then you are faced
with having little to no support when it comes to reports made by you or to
your boss about you. So, what can you do to defend yourself in a toxic and
competitive workplace?
The traditional advice is
to document dates, times, and occurrences in the workplace. Although an
employer may not have an issue with an employee who makes reports, realize that
in the end and no matter how much documenting you do, some employers may not
wish to deal with the gray areas of toxic and competitive coworkers at all and
especially if it’s not negatively affecting their bottom line. An employer may
find it easier, although not necessarily economical, to get rid of and replace
you and/or a toxic and competitive co-worker.
Consider staying focused
on your job responsibilities and covering your tracks by finding approved ways
to show that you have successfully completed all assigned work and had no major
daily work-related issues. When dealing with any toxic or competitive
co-workers, consider documenting, every day, if you had and attempted to
resolve any work-related issues with them. Oftentimes, toxic and competitive
workplace culprits will initiate the drama with you by coming into your space,
compelling you into their space, or sending someone from their office mob your
way.
Be aware of such tactics
and stay polite, civil, and inform them that you need to focus on the work that
was assigned to you by your boss, manager, or supervisor. If you choose, invite
them to converse with you on break or at lunch if you have time. When in doubt,
ask your boss or supervisor any questions, directly, or for any clarification
concerning work-related matters, or direct the toxic and competitive co-worker
to the boss, manager, or supervisor to do the same. This may prevent them from
accusing you of giving them incorrect information, you receiving erroneous
information from them, or otherwise.
If it
becomes a pattern for a toxic and competitive co-worker to uninvitedly attempt
to distract, sabotage, or confront you with drama, then consider your next
strategic steps of how you will positively handle the matter and stay focused
on getting your assigned work from your boss, manager, or supervisor completed
that is in your job description.
Some targeted co-workers
have even taken the bull by the horns to audio or video-record their
interactions with toxic workplace competitors who have demonstrated ill
intentions. Keep in mind that there are laws regarding video or audio-recording
of others, with or without their consent, and it may be legal or illegal to
record others without their consent in certain states.
Some employers, in various
states, may have policies against cell phone usage or video and audio
recordings at work, however, there may be employer cameras on-site at the
workplace that can show that a toxic and negative competitive co-worker is
repeatedly or frequently coming to you in what looks like an effort to sabotage
your work progress. Lunch and break times are usually where any co-workers with
good intentions can socialize, converse with you, and get to know you better if you don’t mind.
Do not buy into a toxic
co-worker’s claim that you are anti-social and difficult to work with. After
all, you were hired to fulfill a particular job description that may not
primarily highlight making friends in the workplace. There is a fine line
between getting your job done and being professional and polite versus having a
toxic and competitive co-worker claim that you are anti-social and do not get
along well with others because you do not walk to the beat of their drum of how
you should behave in the workplace.
As long as you
successfully meet or exceed your job description, are professional, polite, on
time, and do not allow yourself to get pulled into office politics by toxic and
competitive co-workers, then you should not allow yourself to feel bad if
things do not work out. Consider that there may be something better and more
suited for you that offers more peace and less drama from toxic and competitive
co-workers (or bosses).
Another traditional piece
of advice is for an employee to get transferred to a different team or
department to avoid dealing with toxic and competitive co-workers. This may be
helpful, but keep in mind that if the toxic culture of the workplace or company
is universal and news of your transfer (even to a different company location)
travels fast, then the toxic and competitive culprits may get wind of your
transfer and you may be subjected to continued behaviors of the co-workers on
the new team or in a different department.
It may even come to a point
where after you have tried everything in your power to resolve toxic and
competitive workplace issues, you may find that nothing works. So, what are
some of your options to deal with these issues?
Image Source: Pixabay
• Over
the course of time, work on saving at least 3-6 months worth of savings for
rent, food, utilities, travel, and emergency expenses to pay bills (while
you're still employed) and find a new job or seek other survival avenues. Each
time that you are paid, take a portion of your money (no matter how small), put
it into an account, and do not touch it until you need it.
• Look into starting
your own business, from some of your savings, where you can set the tone for
maintaining a positive and healthy work environment for your employees.
• You can also apply
for any agency or government grants that help you start your own business and
expand your financial options and plans of what you would like to do next.
• Look into getting
your real estate license to sell property and make money, while you still have
the job if you do not believe that you are meant to work in a traditional
workplace setting.
• Enroll in or go
back to college or take up a trade until you figure out your next move, decide
if you want to find a different job in the same or different field, or pursue
other options. FYI, some trades pay more than a college degree.
• Find a roommate or
stay with a trusted family member to split rent and utilities, and/or and work
part-time while taking classes. Consider a job that will pay for your college
or classes while you work to earn more money to expand your options and decide
where you want to work and who you would prefer to work with.
• Depending on the
nature and severity of the issues you are experiencing with a toxic and
competitive workplace, consult with a lawyer or professional for your legal
options. Some toxic and competitive co-workers (and bosses) may be putting the
company at risk for liability for any unlawful behaviors.
Keep in mind that the
above options can be considered while you are working a job that you are facing
issues at and may not intend to stay at. Also, keep in mind that a company may
terminate you for cause or no cause, depending on what state you live in and
even if you have union protection. A different set of rules or guidelines may
have to follow to discipline and/or terminate you when you're in a union.
However, termination is still not impossible.
Sometimes, no matter what
you do – no matter how civil, professional, or polite you are with others, if
you try to form alliances with them, work on being likable, or talk with them
to resolve any misunderstandings or miscommunications, the behavior of others
will be beyond your control. Only you can ultimately decide how you will
positively and successfully deal with toxic and negative workplace competition
and rivalry.
Competition
In Romantic Relationships
A recurring theme where
negative and toxic competition can be seen is when it comes to romantic
relationships. A toxic and rivalrous man or woman may get maliciously or
viciously competitive or jealous of someone they see as a threat and get
the love and attention from someone they want to be with. This can involve
intense negative feelings of fear, bitterness, resentment, hate, insecurity,
and loss for them and can lead and has led to physical fights, property damage,
injuries, and even death.
Coming to acceptance and
terms with the bigger picture is realizing that all of the toxic and cut throat
competitive tactics in the world will not make someone want to be with or stay
with you if that is not what they want. Going bat sh*t crazy with jealousy or
negative and toxic competition against someone you see as being in the way of
who you want to be with may cause unwanted issues for the one you say you love
and want to be with and all involved. It takes things like emotional maturity
and intelligence, insight, hindsight, and foresight to see the bigger picture.
The best course of action
may be to move on or seek professional help or therapy to resolve inner
conflict and pain to heal and move on. If you claim to genuinely love or care
about someone, then you would move on as much as it may hurt you because you
would want to see them happy and fulfilled – even if it is not with you.
Positive
And Healthy Outlooks For Toxic Competition
So, what does it mean for
someone to have a positive and healthy outlook and not be led and overcome by a
dark and competitive mindset? It means for someone to look at the bigger
picture when it comes to how they see and interact with others in the world and
get down to the bottom of why they think and act in toxic and competitive ways.
It means that they come to realize that everyone in the world can or may
experience problems no matter how rich, poor, pretty, handsome, secure,
insecure, muscular, thin, heavy, wise, mature, or immature they are.
It means that one can
empathize with or model others who they see as having more admirable traits and
abilities than them, even if they choose not to befriend, associate with, or
interact with them. It means that one chooses not to intentionally bring harm
to others for their competitive feelings of jealousy or feelings of inadequacy
and will instead find ways to positively, constructively, and non-harmfully
deal with their issues. Ultimately, it means that one comes to believe
themselves to be valuable and self-worthy enough to take the time to fully
discover and know themselves, figure out why they do what they do, and love and
respect themselves and others to experience positive self-growth independent of
their comparison to others.
Discover
Yourself
At some point in life, we are
faced with a competition that leaves us gasping for air. We struggle to find
out who we really are versus who we claim to be. What happens when you’re the
toxic and competitive man or woman? Here are some steps to overcome negative
and toxic competition:
o You must understand that every individual’s strengths and weakness
is different. This is the first step to discovering yourself.
o Do not make everything about winning – we live in a society where
only winners are recognized. The truth is winners need people to get them in a
place of winning. Yes, those behind the scenes may not be recognized, but are
oftentimes the glue to the success of others.
o Do not compare yourself to others even if you are in the same
position. There’s a saying: Comparison is the thief of all joy. Emotional
intelligence creates room for positive growth and you should consider knowing
when to pull back from comparing yourself to others than sending a sorry note
later for something you may regret doing to someone out of jealousy or a
competitive spirit filled with malice.
o Learn peace and acceptance for things that you cannot change.
Realize that there will always be someone wiser, kinder, more caring, prettier,
more voluptuous, more handsome, more muscular, thinner, or who has other traits
that you admire.
o Self-awareness is fundamental – when you choose to compete, you can lose yourself. At some point, you may not be aware of how your feelings and/or actions negatively impact others. This can cause more rifts and put you in an insecure place with yourself and others. So, pursue and meet or exceed your own goals in life.
Setting
Personal Goals To Combat Negative And Toxic Competition
The need to always win
affects us more mentally than physically. It is also a two-sided coin; it can
be someone at the top or someone below. To avoid getting trapped in a complex
web, draft a personal goal, and work towards achieving it.
o Start by developing a winning mind (or, thought process) rather than a competitive one. This
way you are driven to succeed on your own terms instead of that of someone
you view as competition.
o Secondly, stop comparing yourself or using your competition as the
evaluation standard for your success. It only breeds more envy and jealousy,
especially when they succeed over a task that you failed at.
o Thirdly, build a mental attitude first before developing the traits that will enable you to succeed positively and healthily.
You cannot be a great man or woman if you do not feel it. The same goes for who
you see as the competition. Until your behavior toward who you see as an opponent is stable, you may always
feel insecure, defeated, broken, inferior, inadequate, and worthless. The only
way is to develop healthy and positive traits that will help you overcome a
negative and toxic competitive mindset.
Having personal goals can
mitigate malicious thoughts such as envy, jealousy, and the need to
overcompensate your role. If you always have the urge to want to prove yourself
in any situation, something is amiss, and you need to discover it. This is the
only way you can move ahead without feeling inferior to anyone.
Confidence
Building And Managing Toxic And Negative Competition
Are you a confident man or
woman?
Let’s put the question
this way; do you think you are a confident character? If you answered yes to
this question, then check out the following inquiries.
o Do you feel threatened by success or intimidated by the thought of
failure?
o Do you feel the need to impress people around you?
o How do you calculate your self-worth?
o Do you feel you have the skills to successfully motivate or
compete healthily in your current space?
o How far are you willing to go to win a coveted position in your
office?
o Is your self-worth, self-love, or self-esteem tied to a romantic
partner’s or love interest’s acceptance or rejection of you?
Now, to
the question again, because some folks may say what they think are all the
right answers, but may not be honest with themselves. Are you a confident man
or woman?
Confidence changes a lot of things. Winning is part of life. It
drives success, no doubt, but you need the belief to do it properly. Confidence
is when you know that no matter how many times someone tries to do things to
make you feel inferior, that you will still love, nurture, and protect
yourself. So, what are some ways to deal with toxic folks who are in
competition with you and who you did not invite into a competition?
There are some folks who
will intentionally belittle, criticize, and demean you to make you feel
inferior to them. When you are confident about your skills, emotional
intelligence, self-awareness, peace, happiness, and goals, you do not need to
look at anyone to achieve anything. This can be a tricky situation, especially
if you always feel the need to prove yourself. Never buy into the attempts of others, no matter
what, who are in competition with you to make you believe that you are
worthless and they are better than you!
Conclusion
Overcoming the impact of toxic competition can
be a challenging but not impossible journey. Toxic and negative competition impacts people
tremendously and can affect their mental health. It may be natural to want to compete, but it
can come with so many negative emotions, including envy, jealousy, hatred, and
sabotage. Subjecting yourself to this situation deprives you of genuine
feelings and can build an inferiority complex and lack of confidence.
But help is available. If you are struggling
with toxic and negative competition, seek counseling, therapy, or
professional advice to help you overcome the pain of toxic competition.
In contrast to positive and healthy
competition, toxic and negative competition primarily hurts you more than your
target. Rather than focus on who you see as your opponent, create your goals,
and pursue them with the same vigor as the amount of opposition you have for
your competition. Winning is positive and healthy when it is primarily for you
alone, not to prove your abilities to others.
Disclaimer: Nothing in this nor any Cell Block
Legendz inspirational articles is intended to be legal advice.