What Does It Mean To Be Drama-Free And Mentally In A Good Place?
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Drama and beef have become so normalized in
today's society that it seems almost abnormal not to be petty, create some
drama in your life, or have someone bring drama your way. You can see this in
how social media and some fans encourage celebrity drama and beef. You can't
talk about drama and beef without mentioning pettiness. These are all
interwoven. But what exactly do drama and beef mean? Here is the best way to
describe this.
How many times have you heard someone swear
that they don’t have time for drama or share with you that someone they know has
beef with someone else? Whether someone chooses to overreact or engage in
trivial matters or seems to lean toward repeatedly causing feuds with others to
pick fights and cause disagreements, how many times do you think drama queens
or drama seekers stop to ask themselves if the outcome of their interactions
with others is necessary and will create conflict or peaceful and civil resolution?
We would say, “We’re waiting”, but we have to finish this article. Lol.
It is important to know if or when to engage, disengage, or not engage at all with folks who love drama and beef. It may be better to let them stay seated (or standing) in the back of your mind in the simple amusement or Time Out section while you are focused solely or primarily on what matters in your life. In other words, while you may find them comical, entertaining, disappointing, or distracting, you do not have to allow their issues, provocation, and escalation to have a seat in your life.
Many people love to watch reality TV, where people publicize how they go through their daily lives. How do you feel when things are moving smoothly, everyone is happy, getting along, and everyone expresses genuine love? The first word that may come to your mind is "boring."(*yawn*). However, at the first sign of trouble, tension, or heated action, you may become hooked and cannot get enough.
You cannot miss the next episode because you
are dying to see the next verbal clap back or if a physical fight will ensue
over a war of insults, not to mention a drink thrown in someone’s face. Some
Reality TV shows are the most significant examples of drama. Interestingly,
they seem to appeal to women more. It makes for excellent gossip time and time
to see who is going to upset, upstage, outtalk, outdress, outdo, or outwit who.
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On the other hand, beef seems to apply more to
men than women. Just look at beef among some rappers and artists in the music
industry. Remember the infamous East Coast - West Coast beef among rappers in
the 1990s? If not, maybe you were not old enough to remember. However, grudges
erupted reportedly over popularity, favoritism, rejections, and alleged acts of
violence involving East Coast and West Coast music artists and hip-hop labels.
The most infamous beef was reportedly between rappers Notorious B.I.G. and
Tupac Shakur. RIP to them both.
We have to take a minute to ask ourselves if
making drama and beef a part of OUR lives is worth it. Some folks crave to see
that extra bit of excitement that drama brings, but this may be only unhealthy
in the long run. It can have its roots in the desire for respect, recognition,
dominance, and even pettiness. This article is not to insinuate that one should
not have fun in life, be light-hearted, and always be serious. Some people
never catch a break from adversity in life. Yet, they still laugh, smile, and
joke in good taste without creating drama or beef.
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(The Only Kind of Beef
Some People Want – T-Bone Beef!)
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What It Means To Be Petty
Have you ever dealt with (self-professed) petty
folks or folks who label themselves as doing too much, being over the top,
extra, or hard to deal with? Have you ever dealt or worked with petty co-workers or supervisors who behaved like petty bullies? Are you still holding and acting out a grudge years later with someone who dated your high school crush? When you are petty, you have the habit of behaving or responding in a deliberately trifling or hurtful way or being vindictive over something
insignificant or unnecessary. This is nowhere the same as being upset about
someone who genuinely hurt or violated you. Petty folks have no basis to go
overboard in their antics even when they believe they have valid and legitimate
grounds to be petty.
Being petty becomes a problem when it is
indicative of a broader pattern of abusive, degrading, and sometimes, self-degrading
behavior. Pettiness is also about revenge-seeking, whether it is through making
the person feel attacked, guilty, or being physical. Furthermore, petty can be the
borderline cousin of evil. To admit one’s pettiness is progress, but to refrain
from or do away with it is notable and commendable when it serves no purpose to
resolve issues and can emotionally and physically harm and negatively affect
others.
So, how do you know you're petty? Well, your actions can be
unnecessary, childish, cunning, direct or passive-aggressive, and typically
directed at others or things that are accidental, not meant to cause harm, or
completely unintentional. Generally, it would be easy for someone to explain
what's wrong or tactfully and politely address or ignore matters. However, a
petty person would nitpick, create drama, and lash out instead and quite
painfully. These disproportionate reactions would make the recipient doubt the
judgment and maturity level of someone who is being petty.
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It is not rare to encounter petty people. They
are all around us, on social media, at our workplace, in relationships, friend
circles, family, and even our neighbors. While some are petty in one particular
part of their lives, others live and breathe pettiness so much that it is
normal. They may be classified as “typical” and use something inconsequential
as an excuse for an entirely unrelated and exaggerated display of emotions.
They jump on any reason to make others feel bad and intimidated, and this is
just insecurity in disguise.
Being petty could be a way of expressing more
deep-rooted issues. When being petty becomes a part of you, it is more about
letting off steam due to unhappiness or unresolved personal issues. Imagine a
roommate who you share rent with insists that the TV remote control must ALWAYS
be on the coffee table for no other reason than that is where THEY want it at
all times.
However, you return one day exhausted from
working multiple double shifts in one week and doze off with the remote control
in hand on the couch. She returns, wakes you up by snatching the remote from
your hands, calls you inconsiderate, and raises hell over this device not being
where she wanted. This is her being incredibly petty as she is annoyed over
something of little consequence. The noise and guilt-tripping are what we call
drama. The icing on the cake becomes beef when you find yourself avoiding
coming home on some days or trying as much as possible not to interact with
this toxic and petty person who creates beef. Now, you may see the relationship
between you and someone else who is petty or filled with drama and beef.
This negative, repeated, and dysfunctional behavior has become a normalized and learned behavior for some folks. It may be intense or sensationalized when someone realizes that they have an audience watching their moves. This is toxic as mentally healthy people do not blow up over meaningless situations. They are always in full possession or control of their rational thoughts.
It all boils down to the fact that someone who
is in the right frame of mind can absorb annoyances and minor slights without
starting a war. You can shrug off irrelevant matters with little to no effort
when you're secure in yourself. These petty folks are vindictive and miserable.
They lose their cool over anything because they have nothing meaningful to
worry about or feel like they are getting a reward out of being petty.
Alternatively, they could be so petty because they are filled with pent-up
emotions and don't pass up an opportunity to let it out on the closest victim
or someone they view as an enemy. If this is the cause of pettiness for you,
then you must explore your mental health.
The next time you see a bitter person screaming
at a barista, it is not because they are mad at an expired coupon or an order
mix-up. It is just a way of venting about their life and taking it out on
someone else as they may feel that there is no other outlet. On the flip side,
some folks thrive on causing drama and beef. It may be the only way they
believe they must stay noticed or relevant.
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Why Does Someone Cause Drama And Beef?
As mentioned earlier, some people thrive on causing drama and beef and feel like a fish out of the water if they are not creating them. So, what do they really get out of causing drama and beef that it has become so ingrained in their being? Here are some reasons why folks cause drama and beef:
·
It
Is A Source Of Distraction
Some people see drama and beef as the perfect
distraction from dealing with something or things in their lives. At that
moment, channeling all that rage at someone or something helps in disengaging
from themselves or even reality. Do you have several uncompleted projects? Is
there a tragic loss in your life you're struggling to deal with? Are you
pushing down feelings of resentment about something or someone? Do you have a
nagging and unsettling feeling about the certainty of the outcome of
situations? These are all scenarios that could have you seeking drama to
channel your energy elsewhere. It can stop you from focusing on pending and
important matters.
·
It's
All They Know
Unfortunately, drama can become a core part of
life for some folks. They grew up in dysfunctional homes where trauma and chaos
became normal. This turmoil taught them to engage in conflict in all the wrong
ways, thinking that it's the right way to live their lives. Therefore, they
keep creating or finding themselves in these drama-filled scenarios again and
again because it's all they know from what they learned or saw in their homes
from others. Most times, they have no idea on how to mentally evolve,
personally grow, extract themselves from this, implement healthy conflict
resolution skills, and become emotionally healthy.
·
Anger
Can Be Addictive
As strange as it may sound, anger feeds the
part of our brains that make us feel good. When we get angry, the dopamine
released in our body can make us feel high enough to spur us to keep engaging
in this toxic cycle. Some people cause drama and beef because it makes them
feel good. However, they fail to own their power and self-control to temper
their anger in more positive, healthy, and constructive ways. Then, their anger
or pinned up aggression may turn into harmful actions that hurt them or someone
else. That is not good.
·
An
Exaggerated Sense Of Importance And Need For Attention
Some people believe that displaying or creating
drama makes them feel like they are a vital part of the lives of others. That
intense need for attention could have them seeking to fill voids. We see this a
lot in some kids who desperately search for negative attention when they do not
get it. Their thought process may be that any attention, even if it’s negative,
is better than no attention at all. They feel like they must have the spotlight on
them all the time.
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· They Just Love The Front Row Seat
On a scale of 1-10, how likely are you to drive past a live
car accident scene without stopping or slowing down? The truth is, a lot of us
would slow down when there is a car accident to find out what is going on.
Concerning drama, some people do not start up the drama or beef but are always
at the scene, with popcorn in hand, to feed the urge to listen to or manipulate
the awful and incredulous stories. They stand on the sidelines waiting for the
next fist to swing in the fight so they can be the one to play the news
reporter to their family and friends about what reportedly happened. They may
disregard that they can put themselves or others in harm’s way.
If it hasn't been clear yet, it is not healthy
to have drama and beef in your life. It is only a means of attracting toxicity
when you need peace and serenity. This reflects in your dramatic relationships
and your tendency to be a victim. Learn to evolve mentally to be able to avoid
drama and beef. Reality TV does not seem to be ending soon if you feel like you
cannot function without drama and beef. However, consider that it is best to
avoid drama and beef in your life, if possible.
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How To Mentally Be In A Good Place
What does it really mean to be mentally in a
good place? We can see this huge difference when we look at optimism and
pessimism. These set of people view life in two different ways. For example, an
optimist trying to quit smoking but gives in to the temptation once would see
it as a setback. He or she would still believe that quitting is possible. A
pessimist would see it as never being able to quit smoking and take up the
habit again. This is the same in all aspects of their lives, both personal and
career-wise. A pessimist is quick to give up and go down the toxic route. An optimist
may positively and constructively persevere even through dismal realities and
experiences.
When you are mentally in a good place, you will
project the attitude of an optimist even when you are not behaving like a
pessimist, but have valid and legitimate reasons to be pessimistic. Being
mentally in a good place does not necessarily mean having materialistic things
or not being in danger or harm's way. Instead, it can mean that rather than
worrying, you focus on seeking effective solutions, rest, relaxation, and
constructive ways to ease your mental burdens and stress without adding
additional unnecessary stressors.
You are positively confident enough to work on
finding harmony and balanced even when you're not in a good place to bring
yourself (or others) to a better place, mentally and emotionally. It means that even when
someone brings drama or beef your way, you can choose to constructively and
effectively deal with it, de-escalate, disengage, or ignore them without
jeopardizing your mental health and safety or the well-being of others.
Being in a good place mentally can mean that
you can say “Yes” or “No” to a friend or family member’s requests, not feel
guilty, angered, or pressure, and still be at ease and peace either way. It
means that you can display self-restraint and forego being petty and vindictive
and let go of feeling the need to have the last word or say that ultimately
proves no point.
It can mean that you have come to terms with a
lot of “givens” in life and circumstances beyond your control. Some examples
include heartbreak, emotional pain, grief, and inevitable loss such as death,
and can still focus on healthy living rather than merely emotionally existing.
You can get enjoyment from life despite mishaps and misfortunes. It can mean
that you do care about urgent, meaningful, and purposeful things in
life but feel like you do not have a care in the world.
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It can mean that you’re able to go at your own
pace and be content with your progress and setbacks without comparing your
progress or setbacks to others. It can mean that you can persevere or rest when
needed on your terms and still not be bothered to the point of becoming broken
if things don’t go your way. It can mean developing great perspectives that
yield a zest for living even though life adversities happen.
It can mean that you no longer solely rely on
others to help you keep it mentally and emotionally together. You realize that
if you give others the power to keep you mentally together, then you may have
also given them the ability to tear you down. It can mean that you have
conquered your demons and do not feel obligated to allow them to control your
thoughts and actions because you realize that you are in control of your life.
It can mean that you’ve arrived at a point in your life where you don’t always
have to react to toxicity reciprocally, but in a manner that allows you to maintain
empathy, class, tact, and self-respect.
It can mean that you have developed a maturity level that supersedes stroking your immature ego or the egos of others. It can mean that you have learned to love yourself or who you are becoming and do not feel the need for validation or to fit into the (impossible or unreasonable) expectations of others. It means that when it comes down to it, you can take your last breath knowing in your heart, soul, and being that life is more than creating or relishing in drama. You have found meaning and purpose within and outside of yourself.
Do not let the above make you feel overwhelmed.
The journey and process of mentally getting to a good place may not happen
overnight. For some people, it can take months or years. For other people,
those months or years may feel like a lifetime. The key is to get started and
work toward getting there while picking yourself back up if you stumble and
fall to keep going.
Your finish line to reach a mentally good place may be nearer or farther and different than someone else’s. Arriving at a good place may feel episodic and not constant if you’re around folks who love drama and beef. Some days may be better than others. What’s important is to take the time to “smell the roses” or enjoy the moments when you get there.
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As an individual, couple, or group, you must
ultimately take responsibility and be honest with yourself to decide what it
means to mentally be in a good place and not stressed out, depressed, or
anxious. You can work on coping, healing, helping, rest, and relaxation
techniques that will get you in these places.
Meditation and mindfulness are great ways to
start. Take a few minutes out of your day to be at peace with your Higher Power or the universe. Here, you will learn to accept that some things will be beyond your control.
However, you can still do behaviors to effectively and efficiently manage bad
things that may happen.
Instead of giving in to the temptation to
encourage drama and beef, focus more on (conflict) resolution and seeking
solutions. You have to be mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually fit when contending with the ups and downs
of life to avoid harming others or being overwhelmed enough to contemplate
suicide. If you have been dealing with being in an unhealthy place mentally by
experiences of depression and thoughts of suicide, it's okay to seek therapy,
counseling, or professional help. Contact the National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline via 1-800-273-8255 to get the needed assistance if you feel like you
have no way out and want to end your life.
Conclusion
To be drama-free and mentally in a good place
does not mean that one will never encounter drama even if one isn’t petty or
starts beef. It goes beyond having money, material things, a significant other,
life partner, or husband or wife, all of your bills paid, with the white picket
fence and dog because some people have all of this and are still miserable,
petty, and filled with drama. Being drama-free and mentally in a good place is
to live a life that makes peace with having peace, courage, acceptance,
self-awareness, and self-growth. You realize that while it’s okay to tactfully
and politely address valid and legitimate issues with others, it’s also good to
walk away, not participate in drama, or be petty.
Being in a good place means that you can look
at yourself in the mirror and see good character, operate with good intentions
and actions, consistently work on the things you’d like to improve about
yourself and work towards being the best version of you. Sometimes, in life, we
may not be able to avoid drama, beef, or petty folks. But, one can still work
on developing healthy skills to do so.
As someone who strives to avoid, limit, or minimize drama or beef,
you can feel well more than not because you will find or have found ways to deal
with the skeletons from your closet. They have become skeletons because you have slain
drama and beef and arrived at a good place in your journey where you accept and
know within your soul and being, no matter what goes on, that you’re
peacefully okay or will be peacefully okay.
(Disclaimer: The content in this Inspirational article is
not intended to be construed as legal advice.)