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How To Best Deal With Toxic Competition In Life
Cell Block Legendz Administrator
10/01/2020
Cell Block Legendz Does Not Own The Rights To This Image.
You have to win at all costs.
You always have to come first.
You are going to take their man or woman, by any means necessary, because you are the best one for him or her.
Coming in last place is for worthless losers.
Now, we will admit that the last
sentence is a bit harsh, but these are the thoughts and words that drive
winning and competition against all odds. In society, sometimes, the pressure
to win at all costs seems popular and encouraged but may cause huge problems
for all involved parties. This inspirational article is a long read and is
intended to bolster self-awareness, self-growth, self-love, to greater
magnitudes, and discuss aspects to better comprehend and deal with some aspects
of toxic competition.
Competition can be a part of
life. It is that noun that can make life interesting. Competition may occur among
couples, siblings, employees, teams, coaches, counties, states, countries, and
even continents. However, the drive to succeed is a path that can be laden with
thorns and sharp pebbles.
Competition
means to win for some folks and to take out or defeat their opponent. Sometimes,
it goes beyond the objective of friendly competitive encouragement and
motivation intended for others to challenge themselves into pure malicious rivalry,
sabotage, a grudge or vendetta, a deep and unsettled feeling of insecurity, and
lack of happiness and fulfillment.
Over the years, envy and jealousy
are arguably the highest forms of competition, dating back to the beginning of
the world. The biblical story of Cain and Abel is the beginning of rivalry in
the world. It showed the extent to which human beings can go to gain
superiority over their supposed competition – even through murder.
Fast forward to the 1990s, in
1993, British Airways paid a sum of £3 million to Virgin
Air after
the company admitted it used “dirty means” to defame the airline. British
Airways was so hell-bent on bringing down Virgin Air that it would call its customers
to say a scheduled flight was canceled. This competition, despite it being business-related,
was fueled by a team that may have lacked emotional maturity and was hit by the inferiority complex of a new and potentially new threat in the airline
industry.
Toxic And
Negative Competition
Somewhere right
now, there may be someone who is maliciously watching your every move from near
or far or plotting to harm you because they may view you as competition and someone
who must be dealt with. They may be in a fierce and unannounced competition
with you and see you as an actual or perceived threat. They may (falsely)
believe that you are in a power struggle with them or wish to show them up. It
does not matter to them whether you mean them no harm or are not in competition
with them. They are focused on you for maleficent reasons and do not mean you
well.
There is a
popular African adage that says, if you look too closely at your neighbor, you
miss the good things in your life. Competition is everywhere, but can you spot
it? In a business or personal setting, rivalry can challenge good character. It
can make people want to succeed by playing dirty and may be their driving force
to getting to their finish line. However, at what point does one realize
that friendly comradery, motivation, or encouragement is no longer in play?
What Defines Negative
Or Toxic Competition?
Competition
becomes toxic and negative when one no longer considers another’s survival, physical safety, emotional well-being, happiness, peace, and when someone really believes that
winning or getting what they want is all that matters. Their thoughts may be
followed by negative and harmful actions towards their intended target to beat
down, neutralize, or annihilate them so that they win or get what or who they want.
This attitude in
adults of beating someone down to the dust can take its root from childhood. Many
adults who felt inferior as children or did not get the attention they craved growing
up with an unfulfilled void may have adopted the attitude that winning at all costs
will fill them up.
On the other
hand, adults who were always the center of attention as a child or got
everything they wanted may feel worthless or deprived if they do not always win
or come first. They can see everyone as a rival and everything as a competition.
Narcissistic, sociopathic, and psychopathic individuals may also compete
against others and not care who gets harmed so long as they win or always get
what they want.
Coming To Terms With Deep-Seated Rivalry
Toxic
competition and deep-seated rivalry can create distrust and impact your circle
of friends negatively (if you still have them). However, the reasons for this
rivalry can be emotional trauma or abuse from the past. Superiority complex can come from years of feeling or being denied and not appreciated and to hide one’s vulnerability,
a wall of superiority is vainly, arrogantly, and pompously put up. Folks who
behave as if they are superior to everyone else can actually be hiding an
inferiority complex. They may overcompensate for their lack of self-esteem by
going to extremes and having something to prove to the world. In their world,
they always have to have the most attention, most money, best car, biggest house, best clothes,
best body, etc. Rarely may they confront the root of their insecurities and
solve their dilemmas from within. Instead, they may seek to gain external
things to make up for what they see as their deficiencies. Their insecurities also involve their
fears.
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Toxic Workplace Competition
I have to find
ways to antagonize, ostracize, and distract Richard every day because he’s showing
me up and is Employee Of The Month again.
I must repeatedly
sabotage and falsely report co-workers who are a threat to the job promotion that
I so badly want.
I can’t stand that
phony b*tch, Sally who is always smiling and laughing with the boss, and a*s
kissing for attention and favors.
Sasha is not in
our clique and always declines to hang out with us at Happy Hour after work because
she chooses to work overtime instead. We don’t like her because she’s trying to
stand out to the boss. We have to find ways to get her reprimanded or fired
from the job.
Whether you admittingly
ever thought any of the above or not, witnessed it, or are or was on the
receiving end of toxic workplace competition and rivalry, it happens, can
happen, and is not good either way. Toxic workplace competition can cause
devastating effects for employees and companies. It can involve hostile and
disruptive work environments, bad workplace morale, high turnover rates,
employees calling out sick, office mobs, and even civil lawsuits. Furthermore,
these issues can seep into people’s personal and home lives and romantic
relationships.
Companies
usually have written rules and policies against illegal employee workplace
behavior, employee assistance programs, and/or steps that employees can take to
access Human Resources or the chain of command for workplace and personal issues.
But, what about the gray areas that do not deal with the covert or
underhanded tactics relating to negative and toxic workplace competition and
rivalry?
As an employee,
it can be challenging to be faced with the stress of having the pressure and
responsibility of keeping the paychecks coming in to pay bills and take care of
one’s family and responsibilities while not wanting to appear as a complainer, bring
attention to oneself, and risk the possibility of losing a job due to toxic and
competitive co-workers. Some co-workers may be hyper-competitive and vicious.
There are a lot
of reasons that some co-workers may be competitive. Maybe, they are taking care
of a sick or elderly loved one with no help, need more money to pay the bills,
and feel like a co-worker is coming between them and the promotion and raise
they need to make ends meet. Perhaps, they are simply narcissistic, have a
superiority complex, and take pleasure in seeing others fail. Regardless of the
reasons, it is never right to operate with reckless, selfish, and hurtful
disregard for the well-being of others. Some people may actually have worse
circumstances than a toxic and competitive co-worker, yet find positive and
non-harmful ways to deal with them.
Realistically, changing
a co-worker’s behavior in the workplace may be difficult or impossible especially
if they have higher and more powerful and influential workplace connections. So,
you may need to seek creative ways to defend and protect yourself from toxic co-workers who are competitively “out for blood”.
At some jobs, it
is possible to build and grow relationships with others while some workplace
cultures operate with a competitive mob mentality. Basically, if you are not a
part of or convert to the office mob mentality, then you are faced with having
little to no support when it comes to reports made by you or to your boss about
you. So, what can you do to defend yourself in a toxic and competitive workplace?
The traditional
advice is to document dates, times, and occurrences in the workplace. Although
an employer may not have an issue with an employee who makes reports, realize
that in the end and no matter how much documenting you do, some employers may not
wish to deal with the gray areas of toxic and competitive coworkers at all and especially if
it’s not negatively affecting their bottom line. An employer may find it easier,
although not necessarily economical, to get rid of and replace you and/or a toxic and competitive co-worker.
Consider staying
focused on your job responsibilities and covering your tracks by finding
approved ways to show that you have successfully completed all assigned work
and had no major daily work-related issues. When dealing with any toxic or
competitive co-workers, consider documenting, every day, if you had and
attempted to resolve any work-related issues with them. Oftentimes, toxic and
competitive workplace culprits will initiate the drama with you by coming into
your space, compelling you into their space, or sending someone from their
office mob your way.
Be aware of such
tactics and stay polite, civil, and inform them that you need to focus on the
work that was assigned to you by your boss, manager, or supervisor. If you choose,
invite them to converse with you on break or at lunch if you have time. When in
doubt, ask your boss or supervisor any questions, directly, or for any
clarification concerning work-related matters or direct the toxic and competitive co-worker to the boss,
manager, or supervisor to do the same. This may prevent them from accusing you
of giving them incorrect information, you receiving erroneous information from them, or otherwise.
Cell Block Legendz Does Not Own The Rights To This Image.
If it becomes a
pattern for a toxic and competitive co-worker to uninvitedly attempt to
distract, sabotage, or confront you with drama, then consider your next strategic
steps of how you will positively handle the matter and stay focused on getting
your assigned work from your boss, manager, or supervisor completed that is in your job description.
Some targeted co-workers
have even taken the bull by the horns to audio or video-record their interactions with toxic
workplace competitors who have demonstrated ill intentions. Keep in mind that there
are laws regarding video or audio-recording of others, with or without their
consent, and it may be legal or illegal to record others without their consent in
certain states.
Some employers,
in various states, may have policies against cell phone usage or video and
audio recordings at work, however, there may be employer cameras on site at the
workplace that can show that a toxic and negative competitive co-worker is
repeatedly or frequently coming to you in what looks like an effort to sabotage
your work progress. Lunch and break times are usually where any co-workers with
good intentions can socialize, converse with you, and get to know you better,
if you don’t mind.
Do not buy into a
toxic co-worker’s claim that you are anti-social and difficult to work with.
After all, you were hired to fulfill a particular job description that may not
primarily highlight making friends in the workplace. There is a fine line
between getting your job done and being professional and polite versus having a
toxic and competitive co-worker claim that you are anti-social and do not get along well
with others because you do not walk to the beat of their drum of how you should behave in the workplace.
As long as you
successfully meet or exceed your job description, are professional, polite, on time, and
do not allow yourself to get pulled into office politics by toxic and
competitive co-workers, then you should not allow yourself to feel bad if
things do not work out. Consider that there may be something better and more
suited for you that offers more peace and less drama from toxic and competitive
co-workers (or bosses).
Another
traditional piece of advice is for an employee to get transferred to a
different team or department to avoid dealing with toxic and competitive
co-workers. This may be helpful, but keep in mind that if the toxic culture of the
workplace or company is universal and news of your transfer (even to a
different company location) travels fast, then the toxic and competitive culprits may get wind of your
transfer and you may be subjected to continued behaviors of the co-workers on
the new team or in a different department.
It may even come
to a point where after you have tried everything in your power to resolve toxic
and competitive workplace issues, you may find that nothing works. So, what are
some of your options to deal with these issues?
Cell Block Legendz Does Not Own The Rights To This Image.
• Over the course of time,
work on saving at least 3-6 months worth of savings for rent, food, utilities, travel, and
emergency expenses to pay bills (while you're still employed) and find a new job or seek
other survival avenues. Each time that you are paid, take a portion of your
money (no matter how small), put it into an account, and do not touch it until
you need it.
• Look into
starting your own business, from some of your savings, where you can set the
tone for maintaining a positive and healthy work environment for your employees.
• You can also apply for any agency or government grants that help you start your own business and expand your financial options and plans of what you would like to do next.
• Look into
getting your real estate license to sell property and make money, while you
still have the job, if you do not believe that you are meant to work in a
traditional workplace setting.
• Enroll in or go
back to college or take up a trade until you figure out your next move, decide if you want to find a different job in the same or different field, or pursue other options. FYI, some
trades pay more than a college degree.
• Find a roommate
or stay with a trusted family member to split rent and utilities, and/or and
work part-time while taking classes. Consider a job that will pay for your
college or classes while you work to earn more money to expand your options and decide where you want to work
and who you would prefer to work with.
• Depending on
the nature and severity of the issues you are experiencing with a toxic and
competitive workplace, consult with a lawyer or professional for your legal
options. Some toxic and competitive co-workers (and bosses) may be putting the company at risk for liability for any unlawful behaviors.
Keep in mind
that the above options can be considered while you are working a job that you are facing
issues at and may not intend to stay at. Also, keep in mind that a company may
terminate you for cause or no cause, depending on what state you live in and even if
you have union protection. A different set of rules or guidelines may have to followed to discipline and/or terminate you when you're in a union. However, termination is still not impossible.
Sometimes, no
matter what you do – no matter how civil, professional, or polite you are with
others, if you try to form alliances with them, work on being likable, or talk with them to
resolve any misunderstandings or miscommunications, the behavior of others will be beyond your
control. Only you can ultimately decide how you will positively and
successfully deal with toxic and negative workplace competition and rivalry.
Competition In
Romantic Relationships
A recurring
theme where negative and toxic competition can be seen is when it comes to
romantic relationships. A toxic and rivalrous man or woman may get maliciously or viciously competitive
or jealous of someone they see as a threat and getting the love and attention
from someone they want to be with. This can involve intense negative feelings
of fear, bitterness, resentment, hate, insecurity, and loss for them and can lead and has led to physical
fights, property damage, injuries, and even death.
Coming to acceptance
and terms with the bigger picture is realizing that all of the toxic and cut
throat competitive tactics in the world will not make someone want to be with
or stay with you if that is not what they want. Going bat sh*t crazy with
jealousy or negative and toxic competition against someone you see as being in
the way of who you want to be with may cause unwanted issues for the one you
say you love and want to be with and all involved. It takes things like
emotional maturity and intelligence, insight, hindsight, and foresight to see the bigger
picture.
The best course
of action may be to move on or seek professional help or therapy to resolve inner conflict and pain to heal and move
on. If you claim to genuinely love or care about someone, then you would move on as much as it may
hurt you because you would want to see them happy and fulfilled – even if it is
not with you.
Positive And
Healthy Outlooks For Toxic Competition
So, what does it
mean for someone to have a positive and healthy outlook and not be led and
overcome by a dark and competitive mindset? It means for someone to look at the
bigger picture when it comes to how they see and interact with others in the
world and get down to the bottom of why they think and act in toxic and
competitive ways. It means that they come to realize that everyone in the world
can or may experience problems no matter how rich, poor, pretty, handsome, secure, insecure,
muscular, thin, heavy, wise, mature, or immature they are.
It means that
one can empathize with or model others who they see as having more admirable traits and
abilities than them, even if they choose not to befriend, associate with, or
interact with them. It means that one chooses not to intentionally bring harm to others for their competitive feelings of jealousy or feelings of inadequacy and
will instead find ways to positively, constructively, and non-harmfully deal
with their issues. Ultimately, it means that one comes to believe themselves to
be valuable and self-worthy enough to take the time to fully discover and know themselves,
figure out why they do what they do, and love and respect themselves and others to
experience positive self-growth independent of their comparison to others.
Discover Yourself
At some point in life, we are
faced with a competition that leaves us gasping for air. We struggle to find
out who we really are versus who we claim to be. What happens when you’re the
toxic and competitive man or woman? Here are some steps to overcome negative
and toxic competition:
o You must understand that every individual’s strengths and
weakness is different. This is the first step to discovering yourself.
o Do not make everything about winning – we live in a society
where only winners are recognized. The truth is winners need people to get them
in a place of winning. Yes, those behind the scenes may not be recognized, but are
oftentimes the glue to the success of others.
o Do not compare yourself to others even if you are in the same
position. There’s a saying: Comparison is the thief of all joy. Emotional intelligence creates room for
positive growth and you should consider knowing when to pull back from
comparing yourself to others than sending a sorry note later for something you
may regret doing to someone out of jealousy or a competitive spirit filled with
malice.
o Learn peace and acceptance for things that you cannot change.
Realize that there will always be someone wiser, kinder, more caring, prettier,
more voluptuous, more handsome, more muscular, thinner, or who has other traits
that you admire.
o Self-awareness is fundamental – when you choose to compete, you can lose yourself. At some point, you may not be aware of how your feelings and/or actions negatively impact others. This can cause more rifts and put you in an insecure place with yourself and others. So, pursue and meet or exceed your own goals in life.
Setting Personal
Goals To Combat Negative And Toxic Competition
The need to always win affects us more mentally than physically. It is also a two-sided coin; it can be someone at the top or someone below. To avoid getting trapped in a complex web, draft a personal goal, and work towards achieving it.
o Start by developing a winning mind (or,
thought process) rather than a competitive one. This way you are driven to
succeeding on your own terms instead of that of someone you view as competition.
o Secondly, stop comparing yourself or using your competition as
the evaluation standard for your success. It only breeds more envy and
jealousy, especially when they succeed over a task that you failed at.
o Thirdly, build a mental attitude first before developing the traits that will
enable you to succeed positively and healthily. You cannot be a great man or
woman if you do not feel it. The same goes for who you see as the competition. Until
your behavior toward who you see as
an opponent is stable, you may always feel insecure, defeated, broken,
inferior, inadequate, and worthless. The only way is developing healthy and
positive traits that will help you overcome a negative and toxic competitive
mindset.
Having personal
goals can mitigate malicious thoughts such as envy, jealousy, and the need to
overcompensate your role. If you always have the urge to want to prove yourself
in any situation, something is amiss, and you need to discover it. This is the
only way you can move ahead without feeling inferior to anyone.
Confidence Building
And Managing Toxic And Negative Competition
Are you a
confident man or woman?
Let’s put the
question this way; do you think you are a confident character? If you answered
yes to this question, then check out the following inquiries.
o Do you feel threatened by success or intimidated by the thought
of failure?
o Do you feel the need to impress people around you?
o How do you calculate your self-worth?
o Do you feel you have the skills to successfully motivate or
compete healthily in your current space?
o How far are you willing to go to win a coveted position in your office?
o Is your self-worth, self-love, or self-esteem tied to a romantic
partner’s or love interest’s acceptance or rejection of you?
Now, to the
question again, because some folks may say what they think are all the right
answers, but may not be honest with themselves. Are you a confident man or
woman?
Confidence changes
a lot of things. Winning is part of life. It drives success, no doubt, but you
need the belief to do it properly. Confidence is when you know that no matter
how many times someone tries to do things to make you feel inferior, that you
will still love, nurture, and protect yourself. So, what are some ways to deal
with toxic folks who are in competition with you and who you did not invite
into a competition?
There are some folks who will intentionally belittle, criticize, and demean you to make you feel inferior to them. When you are confident about your skills, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, peace, happiness, and goals, you do not need to look at anyone to achieve anything. This can be a tricky situation, especially if you always feel the need to prove yourself. Never buy into the attempts of others, no matter what, who are in competition with you to make you believe that you are worthless and they are better than you!