How To Best Get Unstuck From Your Past
The past can seem to have a way of surfacing. Most times,
life does not go how we have planned. Things that happen with us and around our
life has a way to put us off. These situations can leave us feeling
disappointed, angry, anxious, and otherwise. A failed relationship, the loss of
a family member or loved one, a failed business deal, or past disappointments
can make your mind and life pause. The brain has a way of making change
difficult to accept and leaves us stuck in a place. Getting stuck affects
mental health, and it happens to the best of us. It leaves us holding back and
being afraid of moving forward. It is human for us to have limitations in our
minds due to fear. Some primary reasons why people get stuck are due to the lack
of self-love, unawareness, low self-worth, depression, and anxiety. Being stuck in the past
can make you an unhappy mess. It distracts you from the present, and this
affects your life generally. The easiest things can trigger our memory to make
a mistake done in the past. The more you embrace these negative thoughts, it
puts all areas of your life on a pause. We all have moments of nostalgia, but it
becomes bad when you let these moments make you thrive on negativity.
BOB'S
STORY
Bob has been in a relationship for two years with Tracy.
Everything has been going well, and just some months into their wedding, Bob
starts to embrace negative thoughts. He finds fault in everything Tracy does
and picks a fight at any given opportunity. Whenever Tracy tries to have a
conversation and understand why he is acting up, it leads to another fight or
quarrel. Bob and Tracy did not realize that they're stuck on the insecurities
and disappointments from his past relationship. He let negative thoughts grow
in his mind due to the trauma from his past relationships. Somewhere in him, Bob
felt Tracy would leave him for an ex while at the altar just as the lady before
her did. He was stockpiling negative emotions and refused to accept change.
Well, his relationship almost went down the drain until he decided to embrace
self-awareness. Losing Tracy could have caused him a lot of regret and pain. It
made him realize that Tracy was not the problem; it was him all along. He
needed to get unstuck from his past. The tips below can help him and others.
MANAGING
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
Have you ever tried to suppress an emotion? It always sits
back and waits for another moment before coming up. Bob did not deal with his
feelings. He did not heal from his past, and he decided to jump into another
relationship, trying to suppress what hurts the most. It can happen with work,
family, or even people we barely know. Thinking negative thoughts can lead to
depression. The best way to deal with negative emotions is by completely
letting go of the past. Did a loved one say something hurtful? Let them know
how you feel. Childhood trauma can have ways of surfacing in your thoughts.
You were a child, and no matter how much you beat yourself up, you cannot go
back in time to fix it. Realize that it was not your fault. It would help if
you found peace within to embrace self-growth. Relaxing and taking a walk also
helps to clear your head. Process and manage unavoidable feelings. It does
not mean self-defeat. It only means that you are human. Be aware when you are
thinking negatively. Realize that you can prepare for the worst and create new
and different options that may positively affect your present and future
circumstances. Get to the bottom of what triggered your negative thoughts. Was
it past negative experiences that you allow to affect your present experiences?
Is it possible that you do not have (enough) proof to confirm your negative
thoughts? Are your negative thoughts inaccurate? Find ways to look at
circumstances differently and expand your perspectives on how negative
situations may contain opportunities or blessings. Repeatedly thinking the
worse without managing your thoughts and being proactive to work on positive
aspects in your life can mentally drain you and cause mental health issues.
WAYS
TO THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS
Positive thinking goes beyond saying words of affirmation
to yourself every morning. It goes beyond denying, minimizing, or invalidating
the authentic emotions and experiences of others. Face it. No matter how
positive you are in life, negative thoughts may rear in your head. Becoming
accustomed to managing negative thoughts well can prepare you to grow and move
forward. You will need to open yourself to humor and spend time with positive
people. Count the things you are most grateful for and embrace positive
self-talk. When you identify your areas of negativity, it makes the work
easier. Say to yourself, "The past is behind me. There is so much to look
forward to" when you feel stuck in the past. Always focus on the right things and realize
that challenges are a part of life. The positivity starts with being aware of
checking any self-sabotaging and negative thoughts to grow and go forward. If you have
been keeping up with our Cell Block Legendz inspirational articles, you may
realize some recurring topics such as self-love, self-awareness, self-growth,
etc. These occurrences are not by accident. Our inspirational articles intend
to challenge you to work on your personal development, improve your life, and grow in these areas and others.
HOW TO
GET UNSTUCK FROM THE PAST
ACCEPT THAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR
PAST BUT LEARN FROM OR CHANGE YOUR THINKING AND ACTIONS:
Repeatedly
living in one’s negative past and with excuses can provide one with a comfort
zone. This comfort zone can subconsciously make one believe that they get a
pass for not creating the changes they need to move forward from their past. It
can feel scary or frustrating if one does not know where to begin to move
ahead. However, one of the first things to realize is that you need to do
things differently. Try something new as opposed to past actions that have not
served and do not serve you. If you do not know where to begin, begin with
finding out the knowledge you need that can help you to reap effective and
positive results. You cannot grow and move past what has not or does not work
if you are unwilling to first honestly review the behaviors that keep you stuck
in your past. Work on learning and coming to terms with the fact that you
cannot force others to change, and you can only change yourself and your
actions to move past any hurt or pain from your past.
TALK TO SOMEONE:
Most times, all we need to do to let go of a situation is
vent and talk about it. It can be difficult talking to people about your
problems due to fear of being judged. Not everyone in your circle would, and
there should be one or two people always ready to offer a listening ear. If Bob
had let Tracy know about his fears, she may not have let him make decisions
alone. If anything from your past is restricting your self-growth, find a loved
one or someone you feel comfortable with and talk to them.
STOP COMPARISION:
You are you, and the other person is himself or herself. If we all
moved and achieved things at the same pace, there will not be any excitement in
the world. If you do not know other people's circumstances and minds, you cannot
compare them to yourself. It is best to compare yourself to where you started,
how far you have come, and where you are going. You are your only competition.
EMBRACE FAILURE:
…but do not get attached to it. Failures may be a part of
success stories. You can learn a lot from failure as to what not to do anymore
or by trying things, differently. If you fail at something you gave your best
shot at, it will teach you a valuable lesson. We fail to see the good side of
failing. It prepares you for what would come next. Embracing failure for a long
time leaves you with regret and fear.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:
No one may believe in your confidence level if you do not and
it is okay to exude it. However, an extreme display of arrogance or snobbishness
can signal insecurity or narcissistic-like behavior. So, ask yourself is your
goal to convince yourself or others that you believe in yourself? When you
believe in yourself, it means you are self-aware and grounded, and those are
signs of self-growth. Say positive and kind words to yourself (and others). Let
go of people who do not believe in you; they keep you in a stagnant position.
Learn to act, set small goals, and start with baby steps.
CONCLUSION
Learning to move forward from one’s past can be
challenging. There can be opportunities for growth when one is successful at
it. Honestly looking at one’s past actions and behaviors and being willing to
change can help one to get unstuck from their past. Managing one’s negative
thoughts and creating positive thoughts can help to keep one’s past from
sabotaging one’s future. It may take baby steps to achieve something.
Talk to someone, believe in yourself, make wiser decisions,
write gratitude lists and above all, always give yourself space with
self-accountability or getting the lesson out of past pain to heal to move forward.
Do not put a lot of pressure on yourself. Work on improving your life when
faced with circumstances you cannot control or change. If you cannot do anything
to change your past, then make peace with it. Work on letting go to move on and
do your best without punishing yourself or others.