5 Best Ways To Positively Overcome Ultimate Betrayal
Scenario 1: You helped your first cousin whom you grew up
and played with when he fell on hard times, lost his job, got evicted, and had
nowhere to go. You trusted him to stop by when you were home to grab a bite to
eat when he said his money was low and let him sleep on the couch, sometimes.
Yet, you caught him red-handed stealing money out of your nightstand when you
came out of the bathroom one day.
Scenario 2: You supported your girlfriend and her children
for over two years emotionally and financially. The kids were not biologically
yours. Your girlfriend cried on your shoulders numerous times that her
children’s father never did anything for his kids and cheated on her multiple
times when they were together. You trusted her when she told you that she was
over him and wanted nothing more to do with him aside from allowing weekly
supervised visitation with his kids. Yet, she came to you one day and told you
that she had a long conversation with him, he wanted to make up for his
failures and lost time with his kids by marrying her and living with them as a
family, she was breaking up with you, and taking you to court over unpaid bills in her name that she
said you always paid.
Scenario 3: You trusted your boyfriend of three years and
your best friend of over ten years. You trusted both with your life and deepest
heartfelt secrets. You were there for her even in wee morning hours when she
miscarried during her pregnancy. She swore that she did not want any more
children due to the emotional pain of the experience and loss. You were there
for your boyfriend when his brother tragically died and throughout his recovery
from a bad car accident. Yet, one day, you overheard a conversation between
your best friend and boyfriend that she is pregnant from him and wants to keep
the baby.
Does It Look Like The Above Scenarios Embody Ultimate
Betrayal?
In the biblical story, Jesus
was on the receiving end of betrayal by Judas. In Greek mythology, Dolos or
Dolus is the Greek god of betrayal. In history, Marcus Junius Brutus, the assasin of Julius Caesar, betrayed him, and Benedict Arnold is the most famous
betrayer or traitor in American history.
Betrayal is the
ultimate temptation that leads to one sin after another, then another until an
explosion of hate, hurt, disappointment, and doubts erupt. The word betrayal is
an embodiment of so many things and offers up different impacts on the
individual in question. Scientifically, betrayal is a matter that can transform
into various types of hurt to suit the circumstance. It is cunning, beyond our
expectations, and can yield enormous disappointments and devastations in
relationships.
We live in a world
where social interaction is the way to build and nurture relationships and
success. With consistent relationship building and building success, conflict
may arise. Interpersonal betrayal is the most common form of betrayal in our
world today. It may show itself as simple offenses as dishonesty, lying,
deception, infidelity, and abuse from friends, family, or business partners. It
can happen in your personal or romantic relationships, and the impact of
betrayal is intensified by the person or action when one has given others the
benefit of the doubt. The intensity of the negative consequences leaves a dent
that only forgiveness may restore.
The Emotional Consequence of Betrayal
According to Merriam Webster, betrayal is the act of doing something to
someone that violates the trust and confidence the person has in you. It was
further to say that betrayal is the revelation of something hidden not known to
the betrayed. Some synonyms for the word were backstabbing, double-cross,
disloyalty, sellout, two-timing, unfaithfulness, and many more.
Betrayal is one of
those emotions we may suffer in silence because the person causing the betrayal
can be one of us. The emotional consequence of betrayal is the loss of trust
and constant doubt on whom to believe or trust. Betrayal causes fear and the
inability to try to or open up ourselves to be vulnerable in the future.
While you may
choose to wallow in rejection, you may ponder about learning the lesson that
life has thrown your way and move on. If you decide to remain in that vicious
cycle of emotional turmoil caused by betrayal, you may fall into the same trap
again; possibly get hurt again and again.
Betrayal may occur when
someone fails to control their urge to act against others in ways that damage
or destroy trust for their gain. Some folks may betray others for no other
reason than because they can or other reasons. Some of the reasons for betrayal
may include lack of good character, morals, and ethics, jealousy, rivalry,
power, selfishness, greed, fear, ignorance, or being inherently evil.
Experiencing ultimate betrayal
may lead to emotional trauma and mental health issues. One may experience
confusion, emotional distress, depression, anxiety, and other negative
feelings. In romantic relationships, betrayal can especially hit hard after
investing one’s trust, loyalty, time, resources, money, and love into someone
who acted against someone else through lies and emotional or sexual infidelity.
Cell Block Legendz Does Not Own The Rights To This Image.
Trust – The Reason for Betrayal
Trust is a delicate commodity. Blind trust is debatably
even more fragile. You may feel like you can trust someone under one
circumstance yet not others or feel as though folks must earn your trust over
time. Sometimes, no matter how good of a man or woman you are to someone, they
may betray you and that can be unsettling. There can be times where the
betrayer is informing your enemy of your every word and movement. These can be
particularly troublesome when a betrayer fails to display self-accountability or
get help for their issues that result in betrayal.
Throughout
history, it seems as though humans have normalized the act of betrayal with it
losing its effectiveness as a harmful action.
However, it does not just happen on its own; it is usually the result of
trust. You know the physics law of every reaction is equal and opposite. That
places trust and betrayal on the spectrum.
The (blind) trust
you gave your business partner to make decisions on your behalf empowered him
or her to betray you. It is the trust you gave your boyfriend, girlfriend, or
spouse that gave them the power to use your weakness to hurt you. It is the
trust you had in your girlfriend that made you tell her your innermost secret
that bit you in the butt. There were never strategies or a thought-out plan to
hurt you. Trust opened a door, created a path, and enabled the betrayal.
Let’s be clear. Yes,
betrayal is a question of character. Humans can be cunning, and in pursuing
prized possessions, the goal may be all the matters. Everything else becomes an
obstacle.
Cell Block Legendz Does Not Own The Rights To This Image.
In an article, how to rebuild trust after a betrayal, the author defined trust as a living entity, not an emotion, one that is not earned but learned from past mistakes (betrayal). The article says trust is a risk, but we cannot do without it. The devastating consequence of betrayal leaves you questioning if you did the right thing trusting and should trust people in the future.
As crazy as this sounds, you need trust to build anything positive in and around your life. You are poised to fail if you do not trust your talents. If you do not trust your relationship, you will not make a heart investment. If you did not buy into that business idea, you would not build a successful brand.
Some betrayals may not have started as a solid plan. Something may have triggered it. The behavior of others is not always within our control. It may be best to realize that what triggers someone to betray others is not within our control. It is wise to work on being realistic, preventive, and managing the circumstances and outcome. Finding harmony and balance to trust others takes work, but being aware of repeated patterns of behavioral and verbal consistencies and inconsistencies can help.
Lies - The Ultimate Betrayal
Sometimes, the only thing worse than a lie is the liar who
refuses to come clean, get to the bottom of why they cannot stop lying, or stop
the lies. Finding out that someone you trusted betrayed your trust with lies
can be surprising, angering, disappointing, and devastating.
Lying can damage or destroy loyalty, trust, and jeopardize the
foundation for love and personal and business relationships. Some people may
decide to get past minor offenses in personal or business relationships and
even sexual infidelity. However, getting past betrayal may be difficult or
impossible when the betrayal involves lies and emotional cheating.
Most people probably despise being lied to, but if you ask them if they ever told even one lie in their lifetime, some people may not be honest. Their perspective may factor in the degree or severity of the lie – whether they feel it was a harmless white lie, a lie of omission, or a flat-out lie they believed would spare someone’s feelings. Regardless, when it comes to betrayal involving lies, some people may know that if you have to lie about anything, then you know or should have known that you should not have committed the action(s) involving the betrayal and lies. Someone can declare that they had compelling reasons to lie such as if telling a lie would save a loved one’s life. One could also experience regret after telling a lie, lie for other reasons, or lie for no reason.
5 Positive Ways To Overcome The Ultimate Betrayal
Now that we understand betrayal and its cause, how do you positively overcome ultimate betrayal?
Do Not Retaliate – This advice may sound crazy, but it is the first step to overcoming a
betrayal, especially from a loved one. Retaliating only escalates the hurt,
pain, and anger of having been betrayed. It can keep one in a vicious cycle of
emotional turmoil when the goal could be to address, manage, and move forward
from the betrayal in healthy ways that allow healing and deciding how to live
without allowing the betrayal to damage and destroy your ability to trust
again.
Transform the
energy that you would invest in retaliation into understanding, embracing, and
building a better you for the road ahead. Do not allow the betrayal to rob you
of your self-love and self-worth, destroy the core of you who are with great
and admirable traits, kill your spirit, or make you become like your
betrayer(s). There is a saying: Don’t get mad, don’t get even, get ahead.
However, rather than compete in comparison with your betrayers, stay aware, set
up safeguards in your life that may help to prevent future betrayal, and focus
on your reaching or exceeding your goals and maintaining good character. Know
intuitively, even if you do not wish the worse onto others, that every dog has
its day or folks may reap what they sow. It is not that you wish negativity
upon them. Their negative actions may cause them to reap negativity.
Cell Block Legendz Does Not Own The Rights To This Image.
Forgive The Betrayer And Yourself - The ultimate way to overcome betrayal is forgiveness. There are no
strategies, gateway, or after-thought, just simple, straightforward, old
FORGIVENESS. The question is, do you have that in your arsenal? Now, some of
you may be thinking, Heck No! I will NOT forgive anyone who ultimately betrayed
me! I would tightly hug a porcupine a million times before I forgive them!
Okay, you have
every right to feel the emotions that involve any betrayal you may have
experienced. It may be healthy to vent positively and constructively so long as
you bring no harm to yourself and others. Scream to the top of your lungs when
you are home alone. Picture your betrayer in a clown suit. Write a nasty letter
to your betrayer and read it several times before ripping it up and throwing it
away. These acts may be a symbolic part of your healing to move forward from
the betrayal.
We do not
recommend giving any nasty letters to your betrayer. That may serve
to mentally empower your betrayer and hinder the forgiveness process. A nasty
letter to your betrayer may make you TEMPORARILY feel good but is probably not
going to allow you to heal and move forward in the long-term. No one is
perfect. We all have done things that we could have done differently. However,
your self-growth and strength of forgiveness, primarily for self (and if you
choose to forgive your betrayer), is what can set you apart and place you in a
whole different league of character.
There is an the overwhelming and emotional dilemma with forgiving others. It can feel like weakness
or setting one’s self up for repeated betrayal. We are not suggesting this.
There is uplifting of self that comes with forgiveness or forgiving the
offender and it takes mental strength and stamina to positively process
forgiving others for betrayal.
Forgiveness does
not mean accepting the reason for the betrayal or foolishly going back for
more. You may never get an apology or explanation from the betrayer as to why
they betrayed you. Forgiveness is a platform to empower YOU to move away from
the hurt and start to build trust in yourself and others again. It can allow
you to rise above the pain, disappointment, and confusion of the betrayal and
not hold you as a hostage, mentally.
You are worth more
than allowing the betrayer to hold you emotionally and mentally hostage and
keep you from feeling fulfilled, happy, and at peace. Do not give the hurtful
actions of others the power to rule over your emotions and life. These things
can be a hard thing to do after being ultimately betrayed and may take time and
healing. Remember that it is also okay to learn the lesson in the betrayal, forgive,
let go, and heal, and move on.
Do Not Accept The Circumstances - Some
people that experience betrayal knew about the betrayal but accepted it. As you
step out of this betrayal, do not agree or make excuses for the situation or
man or woman who betrayed you. Walking away may cause you pain and grief for a
while. However, continuing to accept the betrayal may cause compounded damage
in the long run if you do nothing about it. It may eat away at you, emotionally
and mentally, if you accept it and pretend that nothing happened. If you sense
a betrayal, speak up about it or walk away and rebuild your self-esteem and
confidence by indulging in positive, constructive, and self-healing activities.
Do not allow someone to guilt-trip you into thinking you are insecure,
paranoid, or being illogical after they betrayed you. If someone loves or cares
about you, they will not mind giving you positive, loving, and consistent
reassurance to re-build trust after betrayal. They would not intentionally do
things that repeatedly send out red flags. They will communicate honestly and
respectfully with you. Upfront communication involves discussing various life
and relationship perspectives. It can be an informative and fun journey to
learn people’s outlooks on life, love, and social relationships.
Reassess The Relationship – If someone you deem a friend betrays you, it may be easier to move
on. However, if the betrayal is from a spouse, a family member, or a business
partner, you need to reassess your expectations in the relationship. It may not
be easy, but you must ask yourself if staying is worth it. How will you
interact with them if you do not leave? You must assess if you think things
will or will not work out. You must be self-aware and develop, set, and
maintain ground rules, boundaries, and standards and learn what or how much of their
behaviors you are willing to accept or not.
In any
relationship where one experiences betrayal, it is wise to walk away if the
betrayal involves domestic violence and emotional and verbal abuse. Walking
away shows courage, self-love, self-respect, self-worth, and self-dignity that
you will not allow the betrayer to repeat the offense. Depending on the level
of betrayal and if it is not irreparable, you may decide to allow the betrayer
to slowly gain their trust back and consistently prove themselves over time.
Consistent
transparency and clear and established ground rules for accountability from a
spouse who committed betrayal are needed to rebuild trust. Allowing free use of
cell phones, known whereabouts, account passwords, extending event invitations
to the betrayed spouse, or other good faith ways can show that someone who
betrayed someone genuinely wants to rebuild trust. These things can be a start
to show their significant other that they mean business when it comes to
getting a second chance to stay together.
One or both
spouses may decide that this is too much to do to overcome the betrayal. This
matter may be a sensitive time because betrayal can create a toxic relationship
deficit where the betrayed spouse has become so emotionally damaged that they
stay in the relationship yet apply constant guilt and negative pressure on the
one who betrayed them. They may repeatedly and negatively remind them of the
offense by throwing in their face every day or remind them that they must dig themselves
out of a hole or work their way out of the doghouse. The spouse who committed
the betrayal may feel like they must be perfect and can never repair the
relationship to back to a healthy level.
Feelings of
resentment may arise where one or both parties give up on the relationship
altogether or causing the spouse who committed betrayal to repeat their
offense(s). The betraying spouse may feel like their sense of freedom and
autonomy within the relationship unit is shattered and irreparable. There is a
fine line that must be walked by both spouses. However, it can be helpful if the
betrayer willingly shows the effort needed to accept accountability if he or
she values re-building trust and repairing and saving the relationship if that
is the goal.
Some relationships
survive betrayal. Others do not. Healing from betrayal includes honestly
communicating one’s emotions, forgiveness, and letting go of self-blame, shame,
or guilt. The choice to stay or leave is ultimately yours if you have been betrayed.
You are the one who must live with your choices that may affect children,
family, and others. Ask yourself if you feel at peace to continue to deal with
someone who betrayed you or if you still have unsettled and uneasy feelings or
unanswered questions.
Being betrayed by
family members is another hot topic. There is a saying: We cannot choose our
family. Our genetics were pre-determined. However, we can choose how we manage
our relationships or if we choose to interact at all in them. There are several
types of family structures that one can build if a traditional family structure
is not possible. Some family structures are blended, extended, and nuclear
families. If traditional family relationships are strained or damaged, one can
create, build, and maintain other social or community family structures. These
other family structures can foster acceptance, love, care, socialization, and a
safe space for the well-being of all members with respect or consideration for
shared or unique values, culture, and opinions.
Now, we admit that toxic,
broken, and dysfunctional families exist where betrayal, disrespect, dark family
secrets, and shunning can make it difficult or impossible to have trust and healthy
family relationships. If you talk to some people, they may share with you that
they are the black sheep of their family where betrayal or ostracization is the
norm and they moved on from the negative and damaging effects or still struggle
with them.
Realistically,
dealing with betrayal from family members can feel worse for some people
because they expect a family to stick together and look out for each other.
Believe it or not, some family members betray and have betrayed or violated
other family members yet do not take responsibility for it and pretend that the
one they betrayed caused the issues.
Furthermore, they
may fail to communicate any reasons for their actions and play the victim. This
involves dysfunction. If you are experiencing or experienced betrayal by your
family and brought it to their attention, yet they fail to own up to it, stand
your ground and refuse to be gaslit, manipulated, or a victim of reverse
psychology. Sometimes, you must love family members from a distance or accept
that you may never have the type of healthy family relationship with them. The
good news is that you can work on creating your family unit structure through
blended, extended, or have other community or social involvement and not allow
any negative family dynamics to destroy you. You can also work on improving
your life and working on life goals.
Get Help – Seeking help is
usually the last resort if you have been deeply betrayed or disappointed by
people you do not expect. Whether it is a close friend, family, licensed
therapist, or a psychiatrist, talk to somebody that will help you make sense of
the hurt without criticizing your role in the betrayal. Be aware of sharing
information with family members who have a close relationship with the family
member(s) who betrayed you. They may agitate the situation with gossip and
rumors among other uninvolved family members and attempt to turn them against
you. Seek neutral third parties who can offer honest and objective feedback and
opinions that can help you heal, manage the betrayal, and move forward rather
than hinder your outlook and perspectives about yourself and life.
Cell Block Legendz Does Not Own The Rights To This Image.
Conclusion
Stuff happens, and betrayal is one of them. Despite the hurt, pain, disappointment, and emotional turmoil, learning to trust again with honest and respectful communication, patience, established ground rules for accountability, and personal interactions is a lifeline that can help you overcome a betrayal.
Ultimate betrayal
encompasses lies that can damage and destroy personal, social, and family
relationships and any chance at rebuilding trust after betrayal. Learning to
trust again after one’s trust is betrayed or destroyed takes accountability,
time, consistency, patience, not retaliating against someone who betrayed you,
forgiveness, not accepting the betrayal, re-assessing relationships, and
seeking help. It will help you step out and understand why or else you may remain
in emotional bondage indefinitely.
References
https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/283686
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/7338/dealing-with-betrayal/
https://www.thelawofattraction.com/get-over-betrayal/
https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/how-rebuild-trust-after-betrayal/