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(Disclaimer: This article may contain explicit content and is not intended to offend individual or religious preferences.)
Sexual relations when it comes to an incarcerated partner have been on the lips of many for the longest time. Both people may never get to plan before being faced with this sudden dilemma. Yes, it is challenging for the man or woman who is in prison and both may need to make immediate life-changing adjustments. Overcoming sexual temptation is one of them. But, how do you resist your primal urges, inner nature, or the urge to call your Ex or long-time crush after your partner went to prison? Let's discuss 10 Ways To Overcome Sexual Temptation While Your Significant Other Is Incarcerated.
1. Define What Sex (And Your Relationship) Means For You And Your Incarcerated Loved One
We all have different perspectives on intimacy, just like we do on sex. Recalling what sex and your relationship mean to you and your incarcerated partner is the first step to overcoming sexual temptation in the absence of your partner. Knowing the purpose and meaning of sex in your relationship and the significance of your relationship would keep you sane in their absence.
If you are both religious or spiritual people or not, it may mean that you believe in abstinence all through the courtship, incarceration sentence, or until any marriage. That is enough reason to exhibit self-control for some people. On the other hand, if sex is an extension of the intimacy familiar to your relationship, it would never feel the same with someone else. Abstinence or celibacy can bring about more clarity from irrational thinking and self-discipline related to romantic relationships. One should also ask themselves why one believes having sex with someone else and jeopardizing their relationship with their partner is worth it. So, what are some other ways to deal with overcoming temptation?
2. Get A Life
This suggestion might seem a bit harsh if you are unemployed or have nothing or less to do. However, being idle is an unhealthy space to be in when your loved one is in prison. When you have nothing going on, it can become common and easy to entertain inappropriate thoughts that are toxic to your commitment. If you get horny while idle, you may not think twice before cheating.
Try to stay busy by engaging yourself with daily activities even when you have free time. Are you done with work for the day? Relax, get rest, take an online cooking class, pick up new skills, read a book, or volunteer to put a smile on people's faces. Whatever you do, ensure that your mind is active and you focus on doing productive activities. You would be surprised about the amazing things you can do while your incarcerated loved one is in prison. Remember to keep your partner in mind as well. Set up prison visits, write letters, send them a package, and enjoy their phone calls (and emails, if possible).
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3. Honestly And Respectfully Communicate With Your Incarcerated Loved One
Self-awareness and acceptance of your feelings should push you on the path of communication with your incarcerated loved one. Communicating how much you miss and want your incarcerated partner not only strengthens your bond; but it can also reduce your chances of becoming vulnerable out here. Communication builds trust and loyalty, and in this case, keeps you in check from giving in to your primal urges especially those involving sex. Engage in healthy and non-threatening social interactions and share your experiences with your partner.
If your partner is considerate and empathetic, they would not expect that you can go from being intimate and having sex regularly with them to bringing it to a screeching halt. Express your vulnerability to them during visits and how you may have to resist the urge to become intimate or sleep with someone else. Discuss agreed-upon alternatives or ideas for you both to deal with temptation. You can still love and have intimacy with your incarcerated partner while going without sex. It is also possible to be abstinent, as hard as it may seem. It can be a matter of things such as your choices, values, how strong or weak you may feel, and if you are committed to continuing the relationship with your incarcerated partner minus sex.
4. Know Your Limits And Boundaries
Of course, the fact that your loved one is in prison does not automatically make you available to everyone out there. It is okay to accept that wedding anniversary party invite, lunch with friends, and hang out. Your genuine friends will make you feel welcome and supported because they realize that your spouse is not able to attend events. However, what you would not allow is the opposite sex or others where romantic attraction and advances may be a risk to fill up the void that your incarcerated partner is unable to fill. The only way to overcome this is by self-awareness and setting boundaries. You would not go to a singles conference or strip club with single friends if you wish to set boundaries and prevent yourself from becoming vulnerable, right? Continuing to be self-aware can help you manage your emotional and physical triggers and help you cope with lust and temptation.
Infidelity in a committed relationship or marriage often does not happen overnight. It may take days, weeks, and months of not setting boundaries, being around someone who attracts you, physically being somewhere you know you should not be, and risking emotional connections with someone who shows an interest in you. Also, understanding your body and the actions that trigger those urges would help you build self-control. The goal here is staying in charge, not the other way around.
5. Do Not Place Yourself In Compromising Situations
Avoid placing yourself in vulnerable situations that might warrant you risking having sex with someone other than your imprisoned partner, especially if you’ve been without it for a while. Before sexual temptation comes in actively by another individual, there can be a build-up of feelings, dirty conversations, and emotional connections with someone who is not your incarcerated partner. It all comes down to self-awareness again. When you notice someone’s words and kind gestures turn you on, make you melt, or remind you of how your incarcerated partner made you feel, then you can trace some level of vulnerability to it.
Also, your physical environment matters a lot in the building up of what runs through your mind. You are exposing yourself and making yourself vulnerable if you repeatedly accept dates from people who interest you. Eventually, you would find yourself in a position where submitting to advances and sex would not seem like a big deal at the time. You may find that it is better for you to be or stay single or discuss moving on if you feel you are not strong enough to deal with temptation rather than hurt your partner.
Whoever invented self-pleasure deserves a daily appreciation from you and everyone in your shoes who condone self-pleasure. The thought of deriving self-pleasure during masturbation should bring you relief always. Of course, self-pleasure sometimes is not as real and engaging as sex. However, it may meet your immediate sensual needs and release sexual tension.
Depending on your religion or awareness of spirituality, self-pleasure might not be a viable option for you. But again, remember the present circumstances do not leave you with many options. You are most times left between masturbation, which your religion condemns, and cheating, which is also a grievous offense. In the end, you would have to pick whichever you deem fit or have a discussion with your incarcerated loved one or spiritual or religious advisor about any challenges.
7. Realize That Heterosexual Or Same-Sex Partnerships Can Happen In Prison
Preparing yourself for the worse is a common thought that comes with the incarceration package deal. In this case, you would have to prepare that the sexuality of your incarcerated partner may (temporarily) alter after serving time. This may be an uncomfortable topic for couples and people in general. Keep in mind that some folks may feel once someone engages in sexual relations with the same sex, that means they may be gay or lesbian, regardless. Arising from the number of years spent with the same sex, your partner might somewhere along the line give in to sexual interactions with others in prison. This is not always the case as some prisoners become adept at finding alternative ways to release their sexual tension or derive sexual pleasure.
For states that allow conjugal visits for married couples, having to deal with your partner engaging in the same sex might not be an issue since you get to see them at intervals over a period. However, if your partner is serving life in a state that does not support conjugal visits, you should prepare for the worse and talk with your incarcerated loved one about how you both will deal with this issue.
8. Avoid Peer Pressure
The constant pressure from family and friends to go on dates with other people should be prevented at all costs. Ensure you do not entertain the comments and suggestions of people around you against your relationship with your incarcerated loved one. Peer pressure can cause a significant effect on how you view the present situation.
Unintentional and incorrect advice from someone you trust and respect a lot could cost you a relationship or marriage with your incarcerated loved one. Truthfully, no one is ruling out your right to have fun and hang out with new friends. However, making your stand known to your friends and family would eliminate the effect of peer pressure.
9. Moral Awareness
It appears the aftermath forethoughts of giving in to sexual temptation with someone other than your incarcerated partner should be enough reason to ignore the thought. Being conscious of the principles you hold first as a loving, loyal, trustworthy, and respectful man or woman should normally help you stay faithful while your loved one is incarcerated. Since you have always been someone who would rather be respected and not looked down upon, you can always choose to be strong enough and ignore the temptation.
Moral awareness aside from love, respect, loyalty, and the commitment that you have for your partner who is in prison, would repeatedly make you think about your actions about cheating or having sex with someone else. If you can still stomach the aftermath of cheating, realize that you may have to face your partner on visits, deal with it if your incarcerated partner finds out about your infidelity from someone else, and look in the mirror realizing that you must analyze why you allowed infidelity into the relationship. The WHY may allow you to learn more about yourself, work on viable solutions, and foster self-growth. But, it should not take cheating on your partner who is in prison to accomplish these things.
10. Cut All Ties With The Threat
Lastly, when you notice that someone stands as a threat to your relationship or marriage with your incarcerated loved one, then nip it in the bud and cut them off immediately. Some may see this solution as extreme, yet end up being victims of entertaining the wrong people in their space. It would be best to cut off all ties before it becomes a big problem to avoid regrets after yielding to temptation. If you and your incarcerated partner have a strong bond, then sharing how you deal with temptation can strengthen your bond. Otherwise, getting caught in lies or cheating can ruin any chances you have of being together with your partner and after any release.
Couples facing infidelity, temptation, and dealing with incarceration should discuss ways to strengthen their relationship and overcoming temptation more. We could give several other ways to overcome these temptations. However, there may be a limit to what some people can take before giving in eventually.
Therefore, it is imperative to know oneself, one’s limits, weaknesses, strengths, and set healthy boundaries. Be honest with each other because the issue goes both ways. Learn if it is best to discuss and establish agreements with your partner who is in prison, walk away, or learn how you will best deal with any issues.
A few solutions to this problem is for couples to base their relationship on an honest, strong, loving, committed, mutually-supportive, intimate, and emotional connection outside of sex. Another solution is for the government to approve conjugal visitation in more states and even federal prisons.
Currently, conjugal visits are not approved in federal prisons. Approved conjugal visits in more states (and even federal prisons) would not only help keep the sanity of inmates but also help with their self-esteem and potentially decrease violence against other inmates and staff.
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