10 Best And Powerful Ways To Stop Harboring A Grudge And Bitterness
It
is impossible to live without getting offended by loved ones, friends, families,
and others especially if it’s intentional. The closer you are to someone, the
higher the risk of them hurting you and the more painful it can be. Regardless
of the offense, it becomes important for humans to learn the art of forgiveness
and self-forgiveness. Grudges are best described as withheld offenses or
retained resentment arising from hurt, differences, and ill feelings.
While
a grudge is a retained issue of conflict or contempt, bitterness refers to a
deep intense feeling of hurt that has been left to fester over time. Both can
lead to becoming broken if allowed. While it is in human nature to get angry or
take offense, holding on to grudges and bitterness only causes more issues,
especially for the individuals harboring them.
Tons
of philosophies explain why not to be bitter and hold a grudge for the sake of
your mental, emotional, and physical health as well as how to gain acceptance
and peace for things beyond your control and that you cannot change. Most of
them explained do not always state that grudges and bitterness can trigger the
karmic effect when acted upon but keep reading.
Some
people believe that what’s put out in the universe (good or not good) can end
up coming back to someone, and with astounding accuracy. Grudges and bitterness
harbored may only end up changing one’s personality and altering one’s psyche
and good and inherent values. Essentially, someone can become morally,
ethically, and spiritually ruined or bankrupt if they allow grudges and
bitterness to overwhelm and overcome them.
Image Source: Pixabay
Here
are 10 efficient and powerful ways to let go of grudges and bitterness:
1. Review
the situation from a different perspective: Remember the times that you may
have fallen short and hurt others intentionally or unintentionally. Should
someone hold a lifelong grudge or vendetta against you or bring or encourage
lifelong harm against you and others you love and care about? The answer is
probably no. It’s possible that you or someone else may have acted out of
ignorance, naivety, and a lack of guidance with no awareness or forethought of the pain or
damage that was inflicted. Maybe, someone was young and foolish, and their
offending actions were not personal against you at the time they thoughtlessly acted.
Perhaps, they even later apologized for their actions, but you believe that an
apology is never enough and that they must endlessly suffer. Put yourself in
the individual’s shoes and see things from a different perspective. The result
of this is that you may be able to see the individual’s offense in a better
light and forgive them more easily especially if you have committed the same or
similar behavior in your past. Decline to become so broken that even
psychological counseling becomes a challenge to heal your emotional pain,
grudges, and bitterness. If you have EVER hurt others, even though your offense
against them may have been different than the offense that hurt you, remember
that your past actions too may have hurt someone. Pain is pain though some may
believe to varying degrees. It’s up to the receiver how hurt they feel and up
to them to decide if they will forever dwell in the pain or let it go because
they too are human and subject to err and hurt others.
2. Release
the past that you cannot change: Whatever has you dragging grudges and
bitterness has happened. No amount of threats, hate, or intentions to harm
someone will change or undo the past, but you can change your focus and
redirect your energy in positive and productive ways. You may have more to lose
if you do something crazy. You may jeopardize your freedom, lose time away from
your kids and family, put others in harm’s way, and even lose your life if you
try to get back at someone who acts in self-defense. Letting the past go is the
first step towards accepting the future. If you hold on to the pain from the
past, all it does is hold you back from enjoying the present or even achieving
better things with the individual in question. While you may be entrapped by
grudges and bitterness, the other party who doesn’t view you as an enemy may
not be suffering like you may want them to, which can make you a lifelong
victim of a self-pity party and your own worst enemy. The bottom line is: Some
folks don’t have enemies. They simply have grudges and bitterness they refuse
to let go stemming from old wounds, feeling insecure, emotionally wounded, and/or jealousy. Never give others the lifelong power to control your mood,
feelings, thoughts, and peace of mind.
3. Remember
Karma: Despite what some folks may believe, karma is real, just like a lot of universal theories and concepts! Some folks believe in karma while others believe that you reap what you sow. Either way, the
universe always finds a way to pay you back for good or bad. Know that
bitterness and grudges only make you want to ENDLESSLY hurt who offended or
whom you believe offended you in the worst ways possible to get even. If this
happens, the karmic law DEMANDS that YOU be hurt by something or someone else
whom you have offended and to an even higher degree. Realize that resentful,
malicious, and hateful behaviors can activate karma. Do not take karma into
your own hands. It can backfire and you may be the one on the receiving end of
bad luck, tragedy, and misfortune despite the unfortunate situation that has
already happened to you.
4. Balance
the power distribution: Power is given to the things to which we subject or
dedicate ourselves. An individual who subjects himself or herself to drinking
becomes a servant to alcohol. An individual who subjects himself or herself to
holding grudges against someone subjects themselves to that individual. Your
thoughts and actions give them relevance and power over you. You’re allowing
them to occupy space in your life and mind, rent-free. Sometimes, you can
create your own mental hell by holding onto things from your past that you should
work on letting go.
5. Lean
towards forgiveness: You must realize that no matter what you do to seek
vengeance, you can’t control others, only yourself. The best way to control
yourself and the outcome of the situation is to forgive them and/or forgive yourself
and move on. Responding with vengeance doesn’t close the case but may rather
stir a chain of reactions from your offender. This is how wars often start.
Remember that their vengeance can be worse especially if they get to a point
where they feel backed into a corner with nowhere to go and believe they have
nothing to lose. If you maintain the belief that you must be engaged in a
lifelong war due to harboring grudges and bitterness, then remember that it’s
possible to lose the battle and the war if you go to your death with hate,
bitterness, and harboring grudges in your heart. It’s not about winning or losing;
it’s about choosing a peace of mind over feeding your pain.
6. Avoid
the rabbit hole: Bitterness is like a rabbit hole. It never ends but just keeps
going on. The longer you dwell on the offense, the angrier you get and the more
you seek revenge. Even if forgiveness is too hard, take your mind off the
grudge and avoid a repeat as much as possible. Avoid or non-harmfully manage possible triggers. Don’t
allow what happened to eat away at you mentally, emotionally, physically, and
spiritually. The rabbit hole of revenge can be endless yet never enough to fix
what’s hurting or bothering you. You can end up bringing physical or emotional
harm to whom you have a grudge against and bitter with, even going so far as to
end their life, and you still may never have peace and closure. And, that’s
because you CHOSE to dwell in a bottomless rabbit hole of bitterness and
harboring a grudge.
7. Put yourself first: When you calculate the cost-benefit, you realize that YOU are getting more hurt from the situation. Putting yourself first helps you react properly. Stay positive and focused on your self-care and self-love. While you’re choosing to focus on one or two individuals, there may be a long list of other individuals who later come out of the woodworks with more offensive or painful news. Are you going to choose to dedicate your life to focus on others or YOUR peace and enjoyment in life?
8. Forget
about any negative stigmas and seek intensive professional counseling or
therapy: There’s so much that therapy can help you cleanse, but the stigma
around therapy dictates that those who seek it are weak mentally or probably
ill. This is all wrong. Therapy is the safest way to help you work through
life’s issues while maintaining privacy and confidentiality. If you believe
that you are beyond therapy, then don’t be surprised if your desires to harm or
get back at someone catches up with you. Don’t be ashamed to seek help.
Genuinely getting to the bottom of why you’re still holding onto grudges and
bitterness can free you of a lifetime of misery.
9. Refuse
to allow any negative thoughts, family, or friends to fuel the fire and pull
you into a deeper mental and emotional rut. No matter who supports any toxicity
and revenge, it may only feel like a temporary “fix” to what you have decided
to permanently invest your time into or consume you. You must keep others out
of your business to the extent that they fan the flames and throw gasoline into
the fire. Avoid instigators as best as possible no matter who or what they are
and beware of stalking on social media with ill intentions. Remember that
cyberbullying, threats, slander, libel, defamation, and harassment are punishable crimes or offenses and deleted social
media posts can be recovered during civil and criminal investigations.
10. Pray to your Higher Power: A lot of the time, prayer often works like therapy on steroids. Prayers are often comforting and bring peace. If you believe in any power or concept, you can seek peace and resolution there and work on your grudges. Religious or spiritual beliefs give powerful, life-changing messages that help redirect minds and are one of the most effective ways of tending to grudges and bitterness.
Conclusion
Belief in karma teaches you how to
avoid the karmic boomerang effect by becoming malicious and vengeful but rather
sharing empathy, kindness, self-forgiveness, and forgiveness when you’ve been
hurt so that kindness is returned to you. Grudges and bitterness have no
positive impact on you, your mental and physical health, your relationships,
and your productivity but rather endanger them all.
Your consciousness becomes slowly
darkened and ruined over time when you hold on to ill feelings. This is why it
is important to let go of them and seek peace of mind and fulfillment. It is
not easy to do so, but through determination and consistency, it is possible to
lead a grudge-free life empty of bitterness. Choose to let go of grudges and
bitterness and forever release yourself from living your own lifelong hell,
right now and today. You can and have the power to do it!
References
https://moderntherapy.online/blog-2/2019/8/22/how-to-let-go-of-a-grudge